The story is simple on the outset. The disciples, termed apostles for the first time here, have been on a missionary journey. They are worn out, exhausted, and are spent. So Jesus invites them into a time of retreat. Their missionary journeys must have been successful because upon arriving at their retreat spot, thousands of people came from the surrounding area to learn from these disciples who have been spreading the good news about this Jesus fellow.
Recognizing their tiredness, Jesus steps into teach the people. After what would have been an extended time of teaching, the disciples tell Jesus to send the people away so that they can get some food. And here is where the story gets interesting. Jesus could have turned the stones into bread, he could have made it rain spaghetti, but no he looks the disciples square in the eye and says, "You feed them".
It is not hard to imagine the disciples concern. They were the "B" team. These fisherman and tax collectors were not chosen to become Rabbis or other elite places in their society. They were the 'Not-good-enough's". So you can imagine panic coming across their face as they listen to Jesus' charge, "You feed them!" They must have been thinking, "We are not enough". And they were right. they couldn't feed these 5000 men plus their wives and children. They couldn't possibly provide for them as they needed to. It was out of genuine concern that they told Jesus to send them away in the first place. They really weren't enough.
And neither are we. We all have our comfort zones, and places of refuge. They are comfortable because they are predictable. Even though we know they are flawed and limited, still yet predictable. And where things and places are predictable, then we have some sense of control, albeit limited. But it is in those places where we truly and authentically know that we are not enough is where miracles happen. They do not happen in familiarity, but rather in dark places that have yet to be explored. They happen in people who look at Jesus and say, "Not me, let someone else do it" and "But Jesus I am not enough, I can;t do this."
Notice what Jesus does. He asks them what they have. He asks what they already have, even if isn't a lot. Sometimes, I think we try and impress God. We strive to show God how much we have and ask God to use it. But true surrender to God is demonstrated when we have nothing to give. When we are tired, worn out, scared, or all of the above. When we have nothing to give, is when God is ready to use us the most. Because then we are out of the way, we stop trying to take control, and we let God be God. The psalmist captures this the best in Psalm 51: 16-17:
"You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite Heart
you, O God, will not despise."
17
The best offering we can give, is our genuine nothingness. Our "I am not good enough" Because the hope of the Gospel is that we do not have to be enough, because Jesus Christ already is. And it is through power of the Holy Spirit that empowers and equips us to becomes enough.
Jesus takes their bread and fish, gives thanks to God for it, breaks it, and offers it to all who are willing to receive it. In the end 12 basket fulls of leftovers. Despite the numerical symbolism many of us may wish to read into it with some truth found in it. The point is simply that with Christ, our nothingness becomes more than enough to share the hope of the gospel with others and to worship the Triune God.
I can only imagine the disciples look as they see the baskets of leftovers. Their disbelief in themselves, I can imagine, was restored. They began to wonder not only about Jesus, but also about themselves. About their own true capacity to be used by the Spirit. The fear of leaving their safe and predictable places was quite apparent. But so where the baskets of leftovers.
Maybe if we, as the church, are able to leave behind our flawed and predictable places where we strive to hang on to whatever sense of control we think we have, that we may be able to see miracles even more than these.
