I remember what it was like when I finally accepted God's call on my life to enter into ordained ministry. I was walking around the Missouri State University in Springfield, MO around 2 AM. (That wasn't particularly interesting as that was a habit of mine for quite some time at that point in my life.) However, this walk took place after a night of an exceptional worship at our campus ministry. It was one of those experiences where God's presence was felt in a way that was both comforting and discomforting at the same time. I was excited for what God would do in my life, I was hopeful and filled with a renewed sense of trust and conviction that the most faithful step I could do at that point in my life was to become a pastor in God's church. That both gave me great encouragement and fear. Similar to waiting in line before riding a brand new roller coaster. It is exhilarating, and frightening.
I have a feeling that many of us have had such a moment if we take the time to reflect on our own life. Perhaps it was during a song we heard in worship or a sermon that wiggled it's way into our soul and sparked our imagination, maybe it was in an embrace from a friend at just the right moment, or taking a small piece of bread and juice and participating in holy communion just after a weekend in which you felt unworthy to receive God's grace.
These moments are Christ experiences. These moments remind us that we are created by a good God who has a plan and purpose for us. These are often called "Mountain Top" experiences that give us a metaphor of the elevation we feel in our spirit and soul. It is a moment entirely different than the norm.
In Mark 1, Peter is out fishing, which means he wasn't good enough to become a Rabbi, he was the B team to the religious leaders, but Jesus gave him a call, a belonging, an acceptance. He says to Peter, "Come and follow me and I will teach you to fish for people". That was it. No explanation, no more details, no sense of security either. That was the call and challenge to Peter. I can imagine Peter's excitement about this new call, this new vision for his life. This was a Christ experience for him. We know this because Peter dropped everything and followed him. He took that leap of faith and followed, even without knowing really where he was headed. He was getting ready to begin a path of life that would lead him to see amazing things, begin the christian movement that would soon become a global phenomenon, and forever chisel his name in the anals of history.
Later, however, his vision and vigor for this new ministry become more real. His hopes began to hit pavement. In Mark 8, after Jesus had fed the mobs of 5000 and 4000 miraculously, Jesus and his disciples are yet again in a position to feed people. Peter, once again doesn't get it and Jesus chastises him for it. Jesus says, "Are your hearts hardened? Do you have eyes and fail to see? Do you have ears, and fail to hear?" You can almost see the heart of Peter get increasingly heavy and his eyes begin to tear up. The romantic and high idealistic hope he had the beginning came crashing down into the mundane actuality of the work. His dreams began to take on more concrete forms and he began to discover the difficult work that was involved to achieve all that God had for him.
I think we as Christians get so disheartened in our faith journey and in our churches because we love to celebrate the high ideals of Christ. We proclaim that we accept everyone and are excited to see what God is doing in our church, but when reality sets in, when the journey is taking longer than expected, or the road to the destination is not as fun as we had hoped, we began, like the ancient israelites, to return home. To reject and leave behind whatever great hopes we had before. When hope hits the pavement, instead of continuing on until we receive God's blessings, it is easy to get upset and go the other way. Or to leave the church altogether.
I just learned recently that an Impala (the animal and not the car) can jump 30 feet in length and 9 feet high. This amazing animal is limited however, by the fact that it won't jump unless you can see where it will land. So at the zoo in Dallas all that contains this gifted animal is a three foot wall. Since the animal can't see over the wall to where it would land, the impala is kept contained. If fear grabs hold of us and we want to return home, we are no better off than the impala. We are contained within the prison of fear of our own construction.
But here is why I love Peter. He didn't give up. He marched on continuing to follow Jesus even though he felt absolutely dumb and unworthy. He continued up the mountain of the Transfiguration, he was the only one to get out of the boat and walk with Jesus on the water, he was the one to defend Jesus when being arrested, and he was the one who swam to the shore to meet the resurrected Christ. If we can learn anything from Peter it is this: When hopes hit the pavement, keep on going. Don't return to the way things are, always be moving forward even if it hurts and leaves it's fair share of scares. Because no matter what may come, resurrection is the last and final victory.
If you are reading this and find yourself in a difficult situation, I pray that Peter's example will encourage and inspire you to keep on going. I pray that the kingdom of God is worth more to you than your fear of rejection or alienation. I pray that you embrace all that God has for you, and are willing to run the race, even when your hopes it pavement. May the peace of our resurrected Christ be with you, today, and forever more. Amen.
