Leaving Home

Recently, I made what could be the last, or at least one of the last, trips to my hometown. My parents have made the decision to move from the town in which I was born and raised to another city. While it makes sense for the context of their lives, it also means leaving behind a place my family has known for literally the entirety of my existence. While many of my friends moved from one house to another for a variety of reasons, I was one of the few that remained in the same house from birth to the time I graduated High School and moved away to college. It wasn't a perfect house (does such a thing exist?) but it was ours. It was the anchor on which our lives rested. It was the place where my siblings and I ran through the woods and buried our beloved pets. It was the place that I learned about the Milky Way Galaxy and how to play basketball. It was the place where my friends and I played every day throughout the summer and where I learned about grandpa passing away. It was the place where we opened up presents on Christmas and hunted eggs at Easter. It was the place my parents created for us to live and to be a family. Maybe it was the perfect house after all. 

We are not the only family who has had to say good-bye to a significant place in their lives. That is simply part of the human experience. It can be hard, and rewarding. It is complex as the entire spectrum of emotions come crashing together. Change is nothing less than loss, and loss is always grief. What follows is just my way of reflecting and dealing with such loss. I am excited for my parents to move into their new future, as scary as it may seem, but the loss is there and must be addressed. So, if you are going through such a loss, I hope this helps, even if just a bit. 

In the Wizard of Oz, Dorothy taps her heels together and says three times, "There is no place like home." Suddenly she is transported, or more likely awakened, in her own bed in her own home. The long journey and her companions (the Tin Man, Scarecrow, and Lion) were all there with her as if they were never gone. She awakens with a new appreciation of her home and seeks to no longer take it for granted. Suddenly the imperfections are diminished and the blessings are highlighted. The journey helped change, not the homestead, but her heart and view of the farm. The land of Oz became the catalyst for a transformation of the heart. 

I think that a lot of people relate to this movie because we all come from somewhere. We are concrete beings, which is why positive and negative feelings may be encompassed in a physical space. Our brains store memories based on how we feel and where we were. This is why so many remember where they were when they heard about the events of 9/11, when they got engaged, or anything else of significance, both positive and negative. Physical space becomes a second or back-up storage space for our memories. So, the more around the physical space we are, the more alive the memories remain. 

All of that is why leaving physical space can be so devastating. I know of a woman who recently lost her husband and was forced to move to a new city to be near one of her kids. In a matter of two weeks she had to leave behind her home of 40 years, her church of 50 years, and her city of nearly 60 years, all while still grieving the death of her husband. So, in her nineties, she experienced tremendous loss because all of those memories were stored in all of the physical spaces she is no longer around. She might as well have moved to a new planet, everything was just as foreign. As so many people will recognize, if all you have left are your memories, those tend to fade without the reinforcement of the environment in which they are stored. In other words, without visiting the settings of your memories, it won't be long before you have trouble remembering what the setting truly looked like. This is why we make monuments and landmarks--to make explicit the connection between memory and the physical world. 

Throughout scripture, this is demonstrated time and again. Moses was given the 10 commandment on a mountain (Exodus 20) and hence the mountain became a sacred space for the Israelite people. When the temple was destroyed by the Babylonians in 587 BCE, though it took decades, the people dedicated themselves to rebuilding it (Ezra and Nehemiah). When Jesus was "transfigured" on the mountain, Peter wanted to build some dwellings (monuments) there to commemorate the event. In 1 Samuel 17, when God saved the Israelite army from certain defeat at the hand of the Philistines, Samuel set up a stone and named it Ebenezer as a reminder of God's actions. There is nothing wrong to want to hang onto place. The question, though, is how do we hold onto the place of our memories while moving forward in a healthy and genuine way?

1) Take something with you from the old place. Bring a rock,a leaf, a piece of art work, a photograph, or anything else to the new space with you. Let it have the burden of storing all of the memories it can. It won't be able to carry all of the memories of course, but it might hold more than you think. Before you bring it to the new space, hold it in your hands and recall as many memories as you can. These will be the memories you assign to the artifact. 

2) Don't take everything with you to the new space. The more the old space invades the new space, the lesser the new space will be. When we don't know what to  do, we do what we know. When that fear and anxiety of the new space emerge, and they will, you will want to abandon the new for the old. If you take everything with you, that fear and anxiety will only be stronger. 

3) Write a letter or make a video for the old space. This may sound corny, but write a good-bye letter or make a good-bye video. This is less about letting a house know how you feel and more about giving you the practice articulating your feelings and memories. I am always amazed at what is buried in the deep crevices of our mind. Trying to express them, exposes them to us. Try it, you'lll like it. 

4) Share the memories with others who experienced them with you. Nothing is more healing and calming than to know others share with you. Your family and friends are going to be the closest in understanding. They were there; they can help keep the memories alive for you. They can laugh, cry, and smile with you. If you do that in a new space, it is even better. 

5) Live in the new space. In the book of Jeremiah, there is an ancient letter written from the prophet Jeremiah to the people of Israel who have recently been taken out of their homeland to live in a foreign land. They are distraught and uncertain of their future. Jeremiah is writing to them to encourage them. He doesn't tell them to fight in order to revolt and return home. Instead he tells them to live their lives, to marry and to have children and not to fight, "But to seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the Lord on its behalf, for in its welfare you will find your welfare." (Jeremiah 29:7). So, live in the new space, carve out a future that will one day be as meaningful as the old. 

It is no wonder that the Land of Oz was so surreal. Flying monkeys, wicked witches, and trees that throw apples create a unique world. In some ways, the Land of Oz needed to be anything but normal to be transformative. If the uneasiness you feel makes you uncomfortable, it may be a good thing. You may be traversing your own Oz, complete with a feeling of other wordliness. Things may seem weird or foreign. I encourage you all to follow the yellow brick road for the journey is necessary. Take it one step at a time, companions will come alongside you, and in the process you will both have a renewed appreciation for where you come from and for where you are going. 

Patriotism, Religion, and Posture

Here are 5 thoughts I have regarding the NFL protest and President Trump's remarks calling for the firing of all NFL employees who do not stand for the National Anthem. Not everyone will like all of these thoughts (likely no one will like them all).

1) Since many of us are outraged that NFL players would kneel during the national anthem, and absolutely silent about football games happening on Sunday, the "Lord's Day", can we finally confess that we are not a Christian nation?

2) Patriotism is not defined by how observant you are during the singing of a national anthem, whether you attend a veteran's parade, or whether you vote. Patriotism is your belief that your country is a place where your children and grandchildren can be proud of. A place, you are willing to fight to make better AND to defend. Patriotism is actively making your country a better place for all people. Patriotism is not just standing and singing a song.

3) The bible calls us to pray for our leaders. Even when the exiles where in Babylonian captivity, Jeremiah calls them to seek the welfare of the city in which they reside, because their welfare depends on it (Jeremiah 29:7). This does not mean we submit without question to any "leader". We question, we think, we resist when necessary, but not at the expense of the union. We should and do have a responsibility to hold our leaders accountable, in peaceful protest if possible, and in action if required. Let's call hate speech and white-supremacy evil, for that is what is, but let's not pretend that a peaceful protest is evil!

4) We cannot have mandated patriotism and freedom of speech at the same time. I know the kneeling is truly offensive to many, I understand that and am sorry it offends you. However, if you are ok offending some by saying "Merry Christmas" then you must be prepared to receive offense as well. And if your defense is, "we are a christian nation" then read point #1 again. Freedom means that we have the ability to speak our minds, even if it means not joining in the national anthem or pledge of the allegiance. That is the beauty and wonder of freedom, we have freedom to live our lives as we see fit, within certain parameters. It is a gift, the same gift God gives us in Gen 1 and 2.

5) White, protestant, straight, people are not being persecuted! We, in America, do not know what that means. Persecution was practiced in the early church and some parts of the world today. It was not and is not being practiced here. What you might call persecution is a feeling of losing a foothold in leadership. At one point, the church controlled much of what took place in America. In truth, when the church controlled the government, it never ends well. Pick up a history book, any of them. When the church runs the state, everyone looses. We are called to make disciples of Jesus Christ, not patriots of the United States. The church is losing ground fast and has been for 60 years or more. The country does not care what the church thinks anymore. See point #1 again.  This is not persecution, it is a loss of influence and the church is at its best, when we really can't control the culture around us.

Father's Day 2017

Father's day is this coming Sunday. As you probably know, my wife and I just welcomed our 2nd child into the world on June 5th. He is named Tyler Joseph and has done his part on keeping us up every night and on our toes. Father's day, then, is even more significant to me because of this life changing event.

For the last few days I have been thinking about this holiday and what kind of meaning there might be held with in it. First, fatherhood is more than passing on your DNA to children, you can do this without actually being involved in their lives. Nor is it about being an adult figure for children in your sphere of influence--it is possible to do this without practicing the art of fatherhood.

Instead, I think fatherhood is more nuanced and challenging than that. Fatherhood is, I believe, about empowering the next generation to become all that God has made them to be. It is about empowering those who come after you to be all they can become in Christ. It is not about duplicating yourself in the world, that is too arrogant.

We empower the next generation by doing two things:

1) Pass on wisdom you have learned

In Acts 7, Stephen is walking through the heroes of the Hebrew Scriptures. He would have grown up with these stories and reflected upon them. Each ancestor he names listened to God when it seemed their path was unlikely. In doing so they discovered something new or were transformed by God. It was this precise bit of wisdom that Stephen was living into during this speech. That is why he called his audience "Stiff-necked people, uncircumcised in heart and ear". In other words, Stephen was aware of the wisdom he wished to pass on--namely that being nudged by the Spirit into things that make no sense and then trusting in God's faithfulness by moving into the unknown path can be the greatest act of faith. 

Sure, I have learned a fair number of "dad jokes" that I will try to instill into my kids. Sure, my love of soccer and games must surely be passed down, but above all else I wish to pass on the art of listening to God and reflecting on scripture. This skill, I think, will serve them far better than anything else I can teach them. This could change over time of course, but at least for now, I have a better sense of what I really do wish to pass on to them,

       

2) Live a life worthy of imitation

In 1 Corinthians 11:1, Paul writes, "be imitators of me as I am of Christ." This is not the same thing as duplicating yourself in the world. Instead, Paul is urging them to follow in his steps and in doing so become like Christ. He is not asking them to be little Paul's, but rather believes that he is carving a path that is worth marking. 

Like most dads, I can fall short here. By paying too much attention to my phone or not taking the time to sit and play with my kids, I tell them that adult life is too busy for them. If I am honest, that is the path I sometimes create for them. Living a life worthy of imitation is the harder of these two steps, but the far more important one. We are all being mimicked one way or another. The question to ponder is, what kind of path are you making for those who follow you?