From Grief to Hope

Grief, anger, fear, resentment are powerful forces that when left alone, or compressed, will only grow stronger. They can fester and cause an incredible amount of toxicity. They beckon us to act quickly, find solutions, or do all we can to move quickly so that we no longer feel our pain. Sadly, these emotions often cause us to ignore our pain or the grief of others.

Andrew Sung Park wrote a helpful book called "From Hurt to Healing" discussing the theological process by which these raw emotions may be harnessed into something fruitful and productive. One of the most useful items I take from this book is a concept called Han, which can be described as the void left after a deep wound to one's soul. Long after a physical wound is healed, a spiritual or emotional scar can take significantly longer to heal. During the process, the weight upon one's soul is to what Han refers.

Han is both individual and collective and is always expressed in either positive or negative ways--never neutral. It may be months, years, or even decades later, but at some point the Han will find a way to be expressed in the physical world. You might consider the events of 9/11. A horrific tragedy in the life of America, that even today is hard to wrap our minds around. Yet, a memorial is made on the sight of ground zero which is really an expression of Han. A positive expression of the pain and grief we continue to share, that in some small way, allows us to focus our grief, pain, and sorrow, into a reminder that we remember the past, but cling to the future because of hope.

Please note that in no way am I saying the events of 9/11 and this camping situation are anywhere near the same level of grief and pain. Lives were lost in 9/11 and is thus infinitely more severe.   

As a pastor I want to offer a chance to express our collective Han in a positive way together. I know that the recent camping decision in our Missouri Annual Conference leaves many of us with a deep wound that perhaps has not found voice. I have read many blogs and comments arguing if the right decision was made or not. I have not found, however, a space where we can express our grief in away, that can provide hope collectively.

Some of you are more than ready to give voice to your pain and others are not yet. For some we may respond creatively, and for others we may respond with a simple prayer. It may be a poem, a song, a drawing, a play-dough sculpture, a picture of you in a camp shirt, of whatever form seems appropriate to you. Simply post your response in the comments and let us express our Han together so that we may be in solidarity with one another, regardless of if we support the decision or not. For we are United Methodists; so may we be united once more in this. May we support one another through our expression of Han so that we may continue to comfort one another. This is not an ending, of your pain, but merely an avenue by which it may find voice. I pray this forum allows you to feel heard and seen (at least by a community of support)

I will start:

Here is a picture of a cross given to me by a man here in Kennett. It was found in the basement of woman's house where it sat for nearly a decade. It is a cross made from Arizona cactus wood. The green outer skin fell away after the cactus died and the holes are where the spikes used to be. Someone along the line cut it to make it into the shape of the cross. I present it as a promise that in Christ all things are made new (2 Corinthians 5:17). It is my prayer that through it all, Jesus Christ may bring a new sense of hope and peace to each of us.
 






If you are not able to express your pain in any creative way, I leave you with this fantastic blessing from scripture in Romans 8:26, "Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedes with sighs too deep for words." May the Spirit intercede even when words fail us.

Beginning from the end.

There once was a very religious man whose whole community was being flooded. He climbed to the roof of his house until God would step in to save him. Before too long, a small boat came by asking if he needed help getting to safety. The man replied, "No, I am waiting on God to help me." Soon after, another, bigger, boat came and asked the man if he needed help getting to safety. "No, God will come to my aid." the man replied. Finally, a helicopter came and offered to bring the man before the water overtook him. "No", the man said, "I trust that God, my deliverer, will rescue me." The man eventually drowned.

So the man found his way to heaven and asked God one question. "Why, did you not rescue me?" God replied, "I sent you two boats and a helicopter!"

Recently, the Missouri Annual Conference of the United Methodist Church made an incredibly difficult decision to overhaul our camping ministry. This ministry has been around for decades, is operated out of 4 (used to be 5) camp sites that are all gorgeous and captivating. Thousands of lives have been changed and touched through this ministry. Mine included.

In fact, I spent 10 years of my life as a camp counselor, I learned to swim at Camp Wilderness, and accepted my call into ordained ministry there. I used the grounds for personal retreats, Church leadership training, Confirmation retreats, and even went to a couple of good friend's wedding right by the lake. To this day it is holy ground for me.

So the decision to release all camp staff from their positions and to close down all camping ministry as we now know it seems harsh and drastic to say the least. The formal publication coming out of the office claims largely a financial reason. As the $48,000 deficit for the year is only expected to expand in upcoming years, the need to do something is obvious.

Through the firestorm of social media offering vehicle for emotional responses, I want to offer a "bird's eye-view".  Although the desire to start a fundraising campaign or to ask wealthy United Methodist to give sacrificially to save the camps sounds like a great idea--it could actually work and allow the camps to continue as we have been for another 5 or ten years.

I think this thinking is ultimately short sighted. What happened in 15 years, when those that gave so much to save the camps once are either less wealthy (thanks to our marketing campaigns to save the camps) or are no longer living? Are we simply going to have a capital campaign every quadrennium? Meanwhile camp costs will continue to stay at $350-$375 (a generous notion) per camper. As youth activities continue to eat up more time for kids, parents/guardians will have more and more  activities to pay for. Since church's have the option to use the voucher system and pay for kids camp, church's will be left with a bigger and bigger bill at the end of each summer. Now when that every four year capital campaign comes around, churches that already pay $6000-$7,000 will be asked to give that much as well to save the camps all over again.

Eventually this entire system will collapse unless something changes. One day, if we continue as we have been, there will not be any camps at all, which means no more kids going to camp (United Methodist at least).

So, I would argue, that the folks who made this decision, didn't do it out of a need to save money, nor are they saying that money is more important than lives being changed. Exactly the opposite is true. The decision is made so that an entire generation of kids, who are not even born yet, might have a United Methodist camp to attend in their childhood. It is a needed a bold move to save an entire system from collapsing in on itself.

What is more, think about the alternative. If you live in a community like mine in which  25% of all residents live in poverty and would not ever be able to afford camp (registration, travel, food, etc.) then our current system really shuts them out unless a church adds it to an already expensive bill (something for which First Kennett has done proudly for years!) Instead, what if church camp took place at a city park or camps owned by the Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts of America.

So in a single summer, one kid could go to United Methodist camp hosted at Camp Latonka. She could have an amazing week and connect the lake with the presence of God. Later that summer, the lake is not just a place where she earned her swimming badge, but it was a place that forever reminded her of a God who baptized her in nourishing waters that enabled her to get the badge in the first place.

Instead of retreating to disconnected places from the world (still a spiritual discipline--as an introvert I take my isolated retreats seriously), we could demonstrate to kids that God is ever present in their own community. In their own familiar grounds. Instead of God being disconnected from all other facets of one's life, we can teach kids that God is Emmanuel--God with us.

Like the man in the beginning joke. God will rescue us and deliver us into fruitful and vibrant ministry again. That is one thing of which I have no doubt. Unlike the man, I am thankful we have bold and courageous leaders who take the God-given boat. Faith without action is useless. (James 2). To trust in God is not to wait passively for God to change your circumstances, but to make the first step toward a new path.

No matter if you agree with my thinking or logic, I would hope that for all those who represent the Missouri Annual Conference (staff of a church, members of all our churches, and especially clergy) do not respond with hatred and fear. Let us not be against one another, but let us turn in love. Even in the midst of all our pain, anger, and resentment (none of which should be ignored or put aside--merely handled properly) let us remember to walk together.

With Grace,

Trevor W. Dancer